A Woman Who Knows What She Wants

If you ask the population of men in the dating world what is the #1 characteristic that they look for in a woman, most will give an answer along the lines of “a woman who knows what she wants.”  OK, great.  But, what exactly does that mean?

As I’ve matured in my relationships and my own personal development, I’ve spent some time thinking about what constitutes this phrase.  The following list contains my thoughts and beliefs on the subject.  It is certainly not all-encompassing so if you have some additions, please share with us in the comments. :)

1. Lives with a purpose. – A woman who knows what she wants has a sense of direction.  She lives her life with a vision towards her end goals and endeavors. She has a passion for something beyond herself, whether its animals, basket-weaving, corporate strategies, volunteering, etc.

2. Knows what she wants in a man. – This doesn’t refer to her preferences for his hobbies, profession or even his basic personality characteristics.  What I mean by this is that a woman who knows what she wants understands her emotional desires in a man.  Does she need a problem solver?  A king?  A warrior?  A magician?  A lover?  Does she need a man who will be patient with her emotional state or a guy who will stay rigid and tough?  These women know what will suit their needs.

3. Grounded Life Principles. – A woman who knows what she wants knows what she thinks about life.  Whether its politics, religion, her general mindset, her approach to happiness or which direction she turns at the crossroads of life’s decisions.  She seeks out knowledge, hobbies and people that strengthen and/or challenge her beliefs in order for her to more fully understand herself.

4. Decisive with the big decisions. – Life is full of choices like cities of residence, purchasing a home, career goals, the pursuit of education.  A woman who knows what she wants makes clear decisions about her major life choices.  She understands how these big puzzle pieces connect in the story of her legacy.  Once a decision is made, she stands behind it, staying grounded in her beliefs and confident in the choices that she makes.

5. Decisive with the little decisions. – I used to think that being indifferent about the little decisions in everyday life was no big deal.  It’s not like being indecisive about daily adventures, restaurants, movies, etc. makes a huge impact on the big picture. Plus, things tend to go a little easier when you’re laid back… Regardless, what I have come to realize is that if you are waking up in the morning and don’t know what you should do that day then it is probably a bad sign.  A woman who knows what she wants has passions, pursuits and priorities that keep her active in meeting the demands and goals of daily life.  She is decisive about the little things because, well, she has things that she needs to get done, and she is able to communicate those desires clearly and intentionally.

6. An understanding of her sensuality. – Often overlooked, but I think that an important feature of a woman who knows what she wants is someone who is in touch with her sensuality.  She has an authentic confidence in who she is and presents herself as a strong and vivacious individual.

*What do you think?

13 thoughts on “A Woman Who Knows What She Wants

  1. Pingback: Why You Should Say Yes – Crossroads of the Heart

  2. Before reading my comment, please know that I am old enough to have thought long and hard about relationships – and have experienced many in different fashion. So perhaps I’ve had too many experiences, and too many years, to imagine putting in so much energy for the sake of hoping for a perfect relationship. At best, a kind and loving partner is a god send. That means warts, bumps et al.

    Men have consistently been attracted by my independence – until it got in the way of what men wanted to do, or for me to be, in the relationship. I learned that the time we are most ready for a relationship is when we don’t need anyone to be anything other than themselves. Acceptance removes expectations and leaves room for love.

    I spent years being willing to bend myself into a form designed by someone else. Or guessing at what I thought they wanted. I know that does not build inner happiness or peace. So I learned to be true to myself and guess what…I follow the integrity of these well written concepts you’ve shared today.

    Blessings on your happiness and continued virtue.

  3. Hi Caitlin,

    Great post. I also keep on analyzing myself at every stage of life, in every relationship and after every accomplishment or failure. I feel, being clear about the objective both short and long term, being clear about our desires in terms of emotional and physical in case of relationships, being clear about your professional and social or spiritual goals….are the critical attributes …a woman who is clear about what does she want should exhibit..


  4. I have been asking myself this question – what do they mean by this?? Thanks for your insight. I feel I have clear values, passion for important causes, some direction, and am in touch with my sensuality. When I think of “knowing what I want” though, it doesn’t make me think of those things. I feel those are just things about ME as a person, not “what I want”. Why not just say then “I want a woman with clearly defined purpose and direction in life” etc.? When I think to “knowing what I want” I think about what kind of lifestyle I’d like to be living in the near future with a partner, how he treats me, our communication together, what we need from each other to maintain a happy and balanced relationship… and not being afraid to ask for these things. Since it is all pretty specific though, knowing what I want and communicating it often chases men away, because it’s not what THEY want. Go figure.

    • Patricia – I really appreciate this comment. It’s very well thought out and written. I agree with you that a lot of ‘knowing what I want’ encompasses those more subjective lifestyle topics and speaking up to get those things. I guess my post talks about the stage many women need to get to before then exploring the points you raise. Best of luck in the finding the man who wants what you want, too! xoxo

      • Thank you Caitlin!

        I just got out of the Landmark Forum this past weekend and one of the possibilities I’m creating for myself is to become a writer. Your words are encouraging. I’ll update you when I end up finding someone special and how it turns out regarding what we both want – unless I’m so swept off my feet that I forget! ;)

        XOXO ~ Patricia

  5. AWESOME POST! I’m rediscovering the do’s and dont’s of casual dating after 5 years in an exclusive relationship. Posts like these help keep things in perspective. Thanks for sharing your insight!

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