A Man Who Knows What He Needs

I think that fundamentally all of us can agree that there is a strong distinction between a man who knows what he wants and one that actually knows what he needs.  Most significantly, I’ve noticed this distinction as I’ve come across men in the dating world.  The mistaking of a ‘want’ as a ‘need’ is an error that inevitably happens to all of us, however this blunder’s impacts on future partnerships and truly finding someone who ‘works well with you’ are drastic.

In all honesty, I think that it is rare to come across a man who has fully come to grips with what he needs in a relationship.  Most men will rationalize every purchase in their lives down to the very last cent, they will fully evaluate their major life decisions with rigor and attention to detail; but when it comes to love, if it feels right then it feels right, and if it doesn’t then it doesn’t and that’s that.

I am in no way empowered to have a strong knowledge of the “inner-workings” of men.  First off, I’m a woman.  I base most of my decisions on emotion and gut feelings.  I, often times, make impulse purchases on little black dresses that I just have to have.  However, I have become familiar with a few characteristics that classify men who know what they need vs. men who base decisions entirely on their wants, and it starts with this list…

1. Physical attraction is something but it’s not everything. –  Men who know what they need understand that it’s crucial to be physically attracted to the women that they pursue, but appearances are not everything.  It’s fun to constantly chase a shiny, bright object… but only for so long.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not another person trying to tell you to just go after a duckling because it might turn into a swan or that the most beautiful woman is not worthy of love.  All that I am preaching is that men who know what they need don’t put all of their eggs in one basket.  He won’t focus all of his attention on the most beautiful woman in the room because he understands that beauty exists in all women and that it truly remains in the eye of the beholder.  I have a similar opinion towards the most ambitious, outgoing and center-of-attention woman in the room.  She is easily attractable to many men, but may not be what each of them truly need.

2. Common interests only get you so far. – It’s fun to find a woman who shares all of the same hobbies as you.  Running, love for sports, similar entertainment interests, frolicking in the woods together.  Whatever.  But, a man that knows what he needs recognizes that common interests only get you so far.  He understands that the only thing constant in this world is change, and what better way to experience this crazy, unique universe than with a woman who can not only share similarities with you, but also challenge you to see the world from a different perspective.

3. Do what you love. – Men who know what they need understand that relationships take work.  But, how does the saying go?  Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.  Men who know what they need seek partners who make “fights” and “arguments” feel like fun.  They find women who are emotionally mature, know what they want and use humor to resolve conflict.  They seek to improve and focus on their own behaviors and characteristics that influence these aspects of a woman.

4. Capable of communicating anything. – Men who know what they need pursue women who allow them to feel capable of communicating anything.  It’s one thing for a man to talk about what makes him happy, or even angry, but it’s another for him to communicate when he is sad, hurt, scared or ashamed.  A man who knows what he needs understands that his role in the relationship requires the ability to communicate these emotions and will seek a woman that makes him feel comfortable sharing this side of himself.

*What do you think?

7 thoughts on “A Man Who Knows What He Needs

  1. Great post! I agree with you that men usually know what they want (money and sex, obviously), but hardly do they know what they need from a woman. They go out chasing the girls that look perfect from the exterior. I think that today’s society has allowed for men to use this game to get what they want. However, in reality when they get to know the woman they are dating, they realize that it’s a mistake and the relationship doesn’t last. Keep up the good work

  2. Pingback: Why You Should Say Yes – Crossroads of the Heart

  3. Honesty and respect are fundamental for both parties. With out both of these there is no true relationship, just an ebb and flow of competing desire and wants.

    • great point! my mother always says that communication and respect are the two fundamentals of a great relationship. i like your analogy to the ebb and flow of competing desire and wants.. i’ve unfortunately had the chance to experience that situation.

  4. Very interesting and I agree with every point. It is especially true for men in this era that most of them confuse wants with needs or simply do not even consider what their needs may be. The media targeted at men are always on about superficially beautiful women and how to get them in bed. It’s such a taboo thing to even speak about emotional needs! They’ll be labelled gay or queer for even considering them. It’s sad, and honestly, frustrating. I hate seeing how shallow society is becoming.

    • personal opinion… i think with maturity, more men will open up about how things affect them feelings-wise. then… there’s always the option that you run into the boy who never grows up ;)

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