Battle of the Sexes

My thoughtful friend sent me this poster the other day that depicts the “5 Deadly Terms [used] by a Woman.”  When he sent it, I laughed OUT LOUD.  Probably because it is so true.  Which got me thinking… what types of things do men say to women that could actually mean something else?  Most likely, it is much more than what I’ve listed below, but here is a good start.

1. “I’ll call you later”
The problem with “I’ll call you later” is that it is so easy to toss into a conversation.  That said, it is no secret that men tend to avoid awkward situations. Therefore, upon the completion of a date, they seem to tentatively ‘freak out’ when they need to figure out how to end an evening.  This is especially true when the date is with a woman that they are not necessarily that into.  Actually, this is only true when it is with a woman that they are not into.  I think that every man that has actually called me after a first date never indicated that he would “call me later.”  The ones that are interested will usually leave a woman in the dark in order to pull her into the chase.  If he actually called exactly when he said he would, it wouldn’t be as much fun for us.  To every woman that is rolling her eyes right now, seriously think about this. In my opinion, as much as not calling pisses some women off, it’s actually a lot more exciting when a man calls and he never gave any indication that he was going to.  Duh.

Translation: He’s not going to call a.k.a. “Nice to meet you, goodbye.”

2. “I’m not looking for a relationship”
Bhahaha.  This is one of my favorites.  Probably because of the response that it elicits in a woman.  Did you not just hear what he said?  He’s not interested.  Either seriously not interested in a relationship right now or not interested in a relationship, specifically with you.  These are hard words to swallow, but they are the truth that most women try to believe is a lie.  So, if you think that you can do something, say something, pay for something, give up something, or stick around for something that might change his mind… you are only going to make yourself miserable, girl.  As much as men don’t realize it, they make most of their decisions off of feelings.  And, if they’re just not feeling it for you, there is very little that is going to change.

Translation: He’s just not that into you.

3. “No, you don’t look fat”
Nice one.  But, I could see through that from across the Atlantic.  The problem with this situation is that there is no good response to questions from a woman regarding her weight or the way that she looks in something. Other than ignoring her question, this response is the only way to come out of the situation unscathed; any other answer could be twisted, by a woman, into something that was not meant.  The bottom line is, she feels ‘off’ and his mission should be to put her fears to rest.

Translation: He’s scared of any other response that he could provide you.

4. “Let’s talk about it later”
It is the male’s equivalent to the woman’s “I’m fine.” This little phrase helps most men end an argument, but, in most cases, they really don’t want to “talk about it later.” They never want to talk about it.

Translation: He wants to avoid the conversation at all costs.

5. “I’m sorry”

I used to date this guy who believed that a person should never have to say “I’m sorry” because if they lived their life the right way the first time then there is nothing for them to apologize about.  Although I think this might be taken to the extreme, it does make me pause to wonder, how many times do we say “I’m sorry” and never really mean it?  Do guys mean it when they say it?  Or, is this just something they say to again get out of the situation at hand.

Translation: He got caught.

*This piece is part of a series of 30 Days of Funny posts inspired by Shannon of Eat, Pray, Love.. Live!  For a complete listing of every post in the series, please click here.  To have the posts delivered to your email inbox on a daily basis, please enter your email address in the subscribe box on the left side of the home page.  Thanks for reading!

2 thoughts on “Battle of the Sexes

  1. I am violating the bro code but here is one more for the list…. I understand. Translation, I am not listening to you nor do i understand what you are saying. But, i want to seem like i care and keep on your good side so I will tell you I understand.

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