Boots: The New Mood Ring! or How to Tell Your Woman’s Mood from Her Boots

*Readers!* Sorry for the delay.  I actually haven’t been skipping out on writing, but I’ve been writing for somebody else (as well as here)! Cheater!  I’ll hopefully be sharing links to those guest posts with you in the next couple of weeks.

Carry on…

I think I was in elementary school / early middle school when I received my first mood ring.  Do you remember those things?  I’m pretty sure they rocked.  No matter what day, time, or circumstances were going on in my life, my ring was always blue…  Hmm.

Regardless of the ring’s inability to change, I remember thinking that I always wanted it to be a ‘happy’ color because then maybe the boys would see me as a happy ol’ gal.  On second thought, I’m not sure why I cared.  I’m almost positive that they were not paying any attention to the stinkin’ ring.  Plus, this was only some years after that one boy punched me in the stomach because he “liked” me. I still haven’t gotten over that one.

Unfortunately for him, us LADIES on the playground didn’t rock boots back then.  Otherwise, he might have known, in advance, that I was in no mood for punching.  “Why?”, you ask.  Because our choice of boots for the day/evening is every sign of what is going on in our head.

Yes, gentlemen, fear not, I will walk you through the entire thing.

1. Flats

nine west

Nine West

If your woman is donning some boots that have no heel, I repeat NO heel, PROCEED WITH CAUTION.  This is usually indication that she is no mood for walking around, let alone, putting up with something that you’ve done wrong.  You will win a tremendous amount of brownie points by offering to help with something — dishes, carrying groceries, back rubs, etc.

2. Booties

 

Wanted

 

This is a tough one.  We are in a gray area here, gentlemen.  Women rock the booties when they feel ‘cute.’  That is cute – not sexy, dare-devil, fearless.  A couple of extra boosts of confidence would be nice here.  Ex:  “Aw, you look hot today.”  “Can I help with the dishes?” <– That’s a trick question that works every time.

3. ‘The’ Stiletto Boots (as in ‘The’ Ohio State University)

 

Michael Kors

Jackpot!  Jackpot!  Jackpot!  Move quickly here, men.  Your woman is feeling sassy.  She knows what she wants and she’s got that pep in her step.  You will probably get away with a lot here – bad jokes, burping, vulgar language, quick glance at another woman… wait, stop.. you went too far.  Also, be quick with it!  If she’s rocking the stiletto boots because they are NEW, a blister injury could come soon!  And then she can’t walk, which means… Flats!

**This post was inspired by a writing opportunity for LuckyMag.com