WANTED (Kind of like a Craigslist Ad…)

**Thanks to those of you who signed up for the 2014 Book Challenge!  I’m excited to start The Last Lecture.  Have you gotten your copy already?  I’ll be sending out an email shortly with discussion questions and timeline goals for the next few weeks.  If you have no idea what I’m talking about, click over here!**

because i can’t write a blog post, without a picture.  and: she’s the boss. seriously.

WANTED IMMEDIATELY (CALL ME ASAP IF YOU MEET QUALIFICATIONS.)  1-800-IHAVENO$$$:

  • Full-time dog hair picker upper.  Willing to aggregate dog hair from the oddest of places including, but not limited to, cushion cracks, the space between the rug and the rug liner, the air suction space between my refrigerator door and the rubber thing-a-ma-doodle that keeps it sealed shut when closed, the entire interior space of my car, every inch underneath my bed, the two centimeter space between my dresser and the floor, my dog’s skin, clean laundry, dirty laundry, the washing machine, the floor underneath the washing machine, the space between the washing machine and the floor, the detergent capturer cup thing in the laundry machine.
  • Working Clone or Sugar Papa.  Candidate must possess the ability to complete my job duties for the rest of my lifetime.  Flexibility to work varying hours each week depending on the client’s hopes, wishes and the ice cream flavor of the day, preferred.  Priority given to candidates who will, better yet, pay off all future clients into liking absolutely everything that I do and approving my need to work remotely from the beaches of Hawaii.
  • Private Chef.  Referrals for James Beard Award nominees accepted.  Must be willing to work flexible hours depending on hunger pains.  Ability to adjust menu to various, and weird, cravings including gluten-free toast with strawberry jelly and salami, bowls of chocolate and peanut butter mixed together and nutella crepes directly from Paris, France, required. Candidate should also double as a body-guard protecting me from myself. Example provided: Candidate will use bodily harm (e.g. slap wrists) when, or if, I try to purchase a Big Gulp Coke and King-Size Reese’s for $2 from the local 7-11.  This is a precautionary item.  Not like I’ve done it before.
  • Chauffeur.  Must possess own car.  Car must be a pimped out, tinted Bentley.  Must be willing to dispose of my current car (cracked bumper, interior covered in dog hair, etc.) by any means necessary.  Filling this position may limit hours required for the Full-time Dog Hair Picker Upper.  Sorry, I’m not sorry.
  • Fitness Double.  Job duties include performing as my toned, really-good-looking, super in-shape body double.  Exceptions include that I don’t want you to actually be my body double.  I want to experience everything in my life, as normal, except with my fitness double’s body transposed onto mine.  This may require high-tech science-tology that has been, or has not been, developed yet.  TBD.  More to come.
  • Dog Barking Reprimand-er.  Must be willing to scold my dog for misuse of barking (some barking, when appropriate, is OK).  Note: It is hard to tell the difference between appropriate and the misuse of barking.  Strong, apologetic communication skills (especially with small children in the hallway, children’s parents and random handymen on the street below) is preferred.  Candidate should NOT scold dog through physical force, verbal commands or barking re-enactments.  In fact, dog miming may be required in an interview for entertainment purposes only.
  • Man to serenade me with John Legend’s new song.  This could or could not be my boyfriend.  Willing to look at options.  Just look.  Jeez, Louise.

Priority given to those applications that come with a box of cupcakes, flowers and verbal affirmations.  Applications accepted in person (especially with cupcakes).  You can find me on the beach… in a different country… because apparently America is not ready for summer, let alone spring, yet.

I am an equal opportunity employer… for people with cupcakes.

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2014 Crossfit Open: “You Just Might Regret It”

For the past two years, I’ve written motivational articles on the upcoming Crossfit Open.  In 2012, I wrote about how Rich Froning can inspire greatness within all of us.  In 2013, I wrote about how a run-in with a popular song encouraged me to give my all during the Open season.

To say the least, this year is a little different.

For the past several months, I’ve struggled with my relationship with crossfit.  If it were a boy, I think we’ve broken up at least twice.  If it were a relationship status on Facebook, let’s just say It’s Complicated.

xfit pic

me.70#snatch.meow.

I took a few weeks off of my gym’s membership last Fall to focus on my workload at work.  As I spent 9-10 hours a week sitting in my desk chair, my physical and mental state suffered.  When I returned to the gym, I couldn’t hit PRs that I used to hit.  I couldn’t maintain the endurance that I used to maintain.  I couldn’t string together the same number of pull ups – or ring rows – for that matter.

Disappointments quickly started mounting from which I haven’t exactly recovered.  To be frank, this year, the Open is the last thing on my mind.

During times like this, I often think of my sister.  She frequently encourages me to do things that I never think of doing.  She provides the motivation that I can’t muster myself.

Want to hear one of her stories?  (Inspiration delivered hot n’ ready below.)

**

The summer before my sister’s senior year of high school, she committed a fourth-degree misdemeanor in the state of Ohio.

In that, she went skinny dipping in Lake Erie (public indecency, peeps).

No – my sister never actually got caught by the police or any adult, for that matter.  But, she did immediately tell her entire family what happened.  It was quite humorous really, but, also, shocking.  Why would my baby sister feel the need to randomly go skinny dipping???

She had an answer for that, of course.  She told me that if she had not gone, one day, she just might regret it.  I mean – how often do you have the chance to skinny dip in Lake Erie?

Hmm…

**

This story has been stuck in my head for the past several weeks now.  It’s rather odd, really.  It’s the dead of winter and has nothing to do with my life or the Crossfit Open.

Or, does it?

With my physical and mental state, regarding crossfit, these past several months, I want to run as far away from the 2014 Open as possible.  It’s like that looming date for a test you don’t want to take – or that evil relative that  you don’t want to visit.

But, what it really comes down to… is that I’m scared of it.  Abso.lute.ly.terri.fied.  I’m scared of not being able to complete the movements.  I’m scared of disappointing myself.  I’m scared of not beating last years’ times.

Am I alone?

Probably not.

As much as I know it’s hard to ever admit it, both seasoned and rookie CrossFitters are most likely a little scared.  Will we perform like we expect?  Will we meet the time cap?  Will they repeat that god awful 12.4/13.3 wallball WOD?  Will we meet our expectations?  Our friends’ expectations?  Our coaches?

The Crossfit Open is full of uncertainty and expectations.  Heck, there’s a reason why they announce the workouts the way they do. But, at the end of the day, how often are we given the chance to compete in the same workout against thousands of people around the world?

What this boils down to is that we all have our own motivational techniques – uplifting music beats, pre-workout routines, lucky coins, verbal affirmations, etc.  But this year, I want to offer up something a little different.  This year, as you prepare for the announcement of 14.1, as you contemplate whether or not to even show up, as you struggle with deciding if you need a video camera or not, as you question during the WOD if you can push yourself one.ounce.harder, do me a favor – will ya?

Think about how if you don’t do these things – one day, you just might regret it.

***Linking up with Frysauce & Grits!!***

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